Huh.
So, in chatting online with a friend -- actually, the former co-worker who is responsible for me meeting the Cute Blonde Boy -- I learned a tidbit of info that has me a little baffled.
My Ex -- the ex-husband, He Who Has Until Recently Only Been Referred To As Ratbastard -- is engaged.
Huh.
I think conventional wisdom would predict that I'd be upset. I'm not. I'm just puzzled.
Huh.
You see, when the Ex left our relationship, he did so with relatively little warning, and little to no good reason. It was several months, I think, before I finally stopped trying to figure out what it was that I'd done wrong. It was a definite breakthrough when I finally realized "It's not me." And still, I wanted a reason of some sort, so that when people asked (and they have) why it ended, I could tell them. But I have no reason. It just sortof left me saying
Huh.
Now I learn that he's not only living with someone, but has (presumably) asked her to marry him. I say "presumably", because there was never a Question when we became engaged. It was sortof assumed. So I hope he gave her at least a definite question. And then I learn that they've only been dating 8 or 9 months. Which is remarkably simliar to the timeline that we followed, Back Then.
Huh.
And I didn't learn this from him, but from a friend. I somehow doubt that he'll ever tell me himself. He'll presume that someone else will do it. He's sortof a pussy, in that regard. But still....
Huh.
Now, the timing of all of this is interesting, because I was just discussing this kind of stuff last night with the CBB. We were watching the episode of "Frasier" where Niles is faced with the end of his marriage. CBB asked if any of that resonated with me. It took me a few seconds to reply, since I had to push down the little tear that was trying to make it's way to my cheek.
"Yeah, some of it", I said. And I mentioned that whole not-having-a-reason bit. And I said that even though I didn't understand the universe's reason for that heartbreak, at the time, I see now that I had to go through that hurt to
a) meet the CBB,
b) appreciate the CBB, and
c) learn some lessons about communication, and my own psychological quirks that perhaps didn't help in the first marriage.
And he didn't judge, didn't argue, didn't seem uncomfortable, just sat there, understanding and listening.
Gads, I love that boy.
And as a result of having such a Marvelous Thing in my life now, I think I'm much better equipped to handle the news of The Ex being engaged. Instead of being all wiggy, or upset, or wanting to call him and give him what-for, or wanting to contact her and warn her of the perils that I believe may lie ahead, I just sit back and think....
Huh.
My Ex -- the ex-husband, He Who Has Until Recently Only Been Referred To As Ratbastard -- is engaged.
Huh.
I think conventional wisdom would predict that I'd be upset. I'm not. I'm just puzzled.
Huh.
You see, when the Ex left our relationship, he did so with relatively little warning, and little to no good reason. It was several months, I think, before I finally stopped trying to figure out what it was that I'd done wrong. It was a definite breakthrough when I finally realized "It's not me." And still, I wanted a reason of some sort, so that when people asked (and they have) why it ended, I could tell them. But I have no reason. It just sortof left me saying
Huh.
Now I learn that he's not only living with someone, but has (presumably) asked her to marry him. I say "presumably", because there was never a Question when we became engaged. It was sortof assumed. So I hope he gave her at least a definite question. And then I learn that they've only been dating 8 or 9 months. Which is remarkably simliar to the timeline that we followed, Back Then.
Huh.
And I didn't learn this from him, but from a friend. I somehow doubt that he'll ever tell me himself. He'll presume that someone else will do it. He's sortof a pussy, in that regard. But still....
Huh.
Now, the timing of all of this is interesting, because I was just discussing this kind of stuff last night with the CBB. We were watching the episode of "Frasier" where Niles is faced with the end of his marriage. CBB asked if any of that resonated with me. It took me a few seconds to reply, since I had to push down the little tear that was trying to make it's way to my cheek.
"Yeah, some of it", I said. And I mentioned that whole not-having-a-reason bit. And I said that even though I didn't understand the universe's reason for that heartbreak, at the time, I see now that I had to go through that hurt to
a) meet the CBB,
b) appreciate the CBB, and
c) learn some lessons about communication, and my own psychological quirks that perhaps didn't help in the first marriage.
And he didn't judge, didn't argue, didn't seem uncomfortable, just sat there, understanding and listening.
Gads, I love that boy.
And as a result of having such a Marvelous Thing in my life now, I think I'm much better equipped to handle the news of The Ex being engaged. Instead of being all wiggy, or upset, or wanting to call him and give him what-for, or wanting to contact her and warn her of the perils that I believe may lie ahead, I just sit back and think....
Huh.
posted by PammyJean at 2:12 pm
5 Comments:
I had a similar experience a ways back. Found out my ex got married again and didn't care much since I was almost re-married myself. That is, until I found out it was the girl that he had cheated on me with. That kinda pissed me off. Bright side is that at least I know the reason now for the breakup! :) Thank God for lessons learned and new men in our lives!
Huh.
He's still Ratbastard.
Well, I guess you can just wish them the best of luck...they'll need it! Meanwhile, it goes to show you that there is always something or someone better waiting. Every time I've changed jobs or ended a relationship, I've found that I end up in a better place. It's hard to believe at the time when you are hurting, but it usually ends up that way!
Sara
well, he waited a hell of a lot longer than my ex did. Two weeks after our divorce came final he moved in with her and one year and a month later he was married.
I call it the "Starter Marriage" or practice run. Kind of a pain in the ass we had to go through that first, but the end result (our current CBBs and Beaux) were worth the pain. :-)
Huh, and yeah, they'll always be ratbastards.
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